The Changing Nature of Friendships

I normally use this blog to talk about writing, books, promotion and the like. But this morning I woke up in a highly contemplative mood. Nothing new, really. Those that know me know that I tend to overthink just about everything. It's part of my normal intensity and something I've grown accustomed to.

This morning's contemplation was about changing friendships, support systems, etc. My daughter had I had a great conversation about this last night - the way in which her support system has changed over the last year. We talked about how mine had shifted and changed, about our feelings with such changes. She said something to me that I thought  was so true...
"It isn't about missing my friend, it's about missing the concept of that friendship. I mean, she's changed. So it isn't her I miss really. It's what we were to each other that I miss."

So wise, right?!?

Friendships do ebb and flow over time. They change and deepen. And sometimes they fade away all together. It's the natural cycle of things. These changes aren't inherently bad, but they do throw me off for a while as I reestablish my equilibrium and support system. This can be a hard shift for me at times. And I am thankful for the friendships that continue and help support me when I can't seem to find my balance.

My dear friend, Ali Cross, blogged about her Circle of Support this morning, thanking the writing community for their support of her. Likewise, I want to thank my network of support for being there as things shift and change--my writerly friends that understand the unique journey we are on, and my reader friends that show endless devotion through their readership. And finally, to my friends that just "get" me and my intensities.

You are all my compass, my rock. Thank you for being there!


  1. Wow, very wise daughter you have there! I totally agree with this. I have so many friendships that have fizzled, and I don't think it's about not wanting to be friendly with those people anymore. I think it's about our needs, b/c they change so much over time and if our friends can't give us what we need, we grow apart from them. We might miss what we had, but, honestly, it would no longer be what we had if we were to push into a friendship that has changed. I have only 1-2 people that I have been friends with for such a long time that would never matter.

  2. Your daughter IS very wise. What I love, too, is that she is able to articulate such a profound and ambiguous concept. I think humans are messy. We are constantly changing states, leaving residue behind or changing the states of others around us. We are in constant flux.

    How remarkable and special it is when we find friendships that can withstand those changes, that flux.


  3. Your daughter is smart. My daughter hasn't experienced this yet, but realizes when she goes to college that a lot of her friends from high school probably won't stay in touch. It is true that friendships ebb and flow and there are times in life we don't have the time to give them the attention they deserve.

  4. Thanks you guys! I think you three are pretty wise too ;)


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