***Um yes, this IS a bit rambly***
It feels good to rejoin the living. I managed to catch a very mild version of the crud that was going around and spent about 40 hours in bed. And this was a mild case it.
Anyway, I spent a lot of the time contemplating life, my feelings, my career, etc.
Have you ever noticed most people have one response when we are asked how we are, or how we feel? We tend to say "ok", regardless of what we are really feeling. Sometimes, I think we do this because we know the general public may not really want to know what we are feeling. And sometimes I think we do it because we are not clear on how we feel.
After 40 hours, I can truthfully say I am more clear than I have been in a long while.
I am....sacred. And fried. And nervous. And excited. And....and....and.
Like most artists, I have a million emotions flowing through me at any given time, warring with one another. Everything from the thrill of new words on a page, to the agony and fear that a lack of confidence can occasionally bring.
We are taught not to talk about the fear and the lack of confidence. Taught that these are things to be ignore or feel ashamed about. But you know what? I think that is all wrong. I think we should embrace whatever it is we are feeling at the moment.
No matter what the feeling.
Now, I am not saying we should wallow in our whatevers. But I do think it is important to acknowledge the truth of our feelings and operate from that place.
For me, this means admitting that querying again is scary. It means dealing with the myriad of feelings I have about my work, my career, and the changes that are coming.
And it means admitting the excitement I am also feeling.
Being creative, an artist, means living my life from a place of deep emotion. It also means being unapologetic about that. So, this is me...
Who's with me???