Now, on to my entry. Elana asked us to talk about a time when we refused to give up - a time when surrender was NOT an option.
Hmm....
Immediately I thought of several things I could write about - the time I got stuck on a mountain plateau - literally - and HAD to face my fears and figure out a way off the mountain, or remain lost. Or maybe the time that I continued on a retreat, even though ALL of my friends bailed out, leaving me completely out of my comfort zone. Or pursuing my fiction career, despite shelving novels, getting rejections by the hundreds, and giving up more often than I'd care to admit.
But, after yesterday... I have a new subject for this post.
Yesterday...
You know those moments in life when you are overwhelmed. Not a little overwhelmed - but your chest is heavy from the weight of things bearing down on you and the room is closing in, stealing the air from you lungs overwhelmed???
That was yesterday. Work was too intense. The kids took intense to a whole new level. And you all remember the computer incident (which is costing a small fortune to fix)...
yes, I was overwhelmed.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from the world. I wanted to eat M&Ms and curl up with a book or a movie. I wanted to make the heaviness in my chest dissipate just a little. I wanted room to breathe.
These are the things I wanted.
But they are not the things I needed. Not even close.
I have deadlines pounding down on me. I have stress flowing from every pore. I needed a release. Something big.
I needed to write.
But man, to say that was the last thing I wanted to do is likely an understatement. Still, I know myself well enough to know that I need to pay attention to that wee small voice inside that tells me what I need.
So, after much resistance, I opened up the borrowed laptop, figured out the codes, passwords, etc to be able to access everything I needed to access, and opened a file or two. And I took a breath. Several breaths.
Within moments, I felt it - the space between the words. That moment of peace suspended between all of the things I needed to do, all of the words I needed to write. A precious pause in life itself.
It was in this space that I lingered, breathing in the silence and creating my own sacred spaces inside.
And slowly, I heard the words that needed to be written. And I saw the scenes begging to find a voice.
I pushed forward, finishing the blogging and editing I needed to do.
And I found what I needed...
and let it lead me to what I wanted.
I found peace.
